Well I haven’t posted anything this month…reason being cause i promised myself that the next thing i posted was gonna be about my grandma…and i guess im ready now to share… so here it goes…

February 1st was by far the hardest day of my life… I walked into my grandparents house balling my eyes out around 3:40, it was a wednesday. The first person I saw was my grandpa. I hugged him as tight as i could crying into his shoulder. He hugged me and said “sweetie it’s gonna be okay. She was really suffering. She’s in a better place now.” Theres my grandpa comforting me when he just lost his wife of 52 years. I went into where my grandma laid. There in her bed quiet, at peace, breathless and gone. Chazy was sitting right next to her. He was balling. I hugged my aunt kelly and then erin. Then went to my mom while she just held me and cried. We were all in her room, we had just lost one of the greatest person in our lives. When chazy had stood up i went up to him and hugged him tight for a few minuets. He mummer out the words “held her hand till she took her last breath.” We stood there in front of her earthly body crying and hugging. I honestly think without him, my mom and God i wouldn’t know what to do with myself. I wouldn’t have any peace within me at this moment. This whole thing seems impossible to overcome or get through. Iv’e learned that it just takes time.

But now when i write about it, it doesn’t even seem real. It seems like a dream when i think about it, like it didn’t even happen. I kinda know in my mind that it happened and in my it’s not even a real thing. It’s seemed even more not real as the weeks have gone on. I don’t know..my brain can’t even really handle or comprehend the though of death. This is not easy but i’m finally at peace with the fact that she’s dancing with Jesus in heaven, where theres not pain, no crying, no suffering. But i’m not at peace with the fact that i will never see her again on earth…gahh i can’t wait till that day when i get to see her in heaven! I don’t like the feeling of death..it really bothers me…

-mi